#RelationshipsMatter

#RelationshipsMatter
To #HEAL those hurting, it begins with us.

June 7, 2016 - I fell asleep, phone in hand, news app open before the 5th Dallas Police Department officer was declared deceased.  I woke up before 5 a.m. feeling numb and motionless as I read the updates that had transpired in a few short hours.  I’ve driven into Dallas for the last seven months of my life to receive medical care.  Today, many of those streets are closed.  Our state and country are grieving social injustices and being left with aching holes in our hearts when we seek truth to this question: Why?

Social media and news coverage are the cornerstones of my professional duties, but on days like today my personal sadness and disbelief override my educational duties, or do they? For so long, educators were (and often still are) encouraged to separate their professional and personal lives.  Today is a prime example of such, as we see all of the social media hashtags that have emerged in the wake of the heinous Dallas tragedy.  However, I’ve unconsciously done something throughout the day that didn’t resonate with me until now:  I’ve been viewing the national and local events of this week through the lens of an educator (both as a professional and a parent).  And this question continues to roll around in my head: What relationships failed you?

When our students don’t make the academic progress that we desire, we are supposed to evaluate ourselves, as practicing educators, find and design solutions, experiences and environments that help students achieve success.   Evidence of this exists throughout the myriad of program and publication companies, as they design curriculum resources to better meet our current state standards.  Ask any campus-level principal or central office curriculum administrator, someone is constantly soliciting us with the next “big thing.”  Whether it’s curriculum standards or assessment tools, the market and media are flooded with opportunities for change.  What does all of this have to do with #RelationshipsMatter?  New curriculum resources may contribute to improved academic results but I would argue that it’s the relationships between students and teachers that have a greater impact on academic AND life success.  Where is the push, the call for improved relationships, in our school systems?   When our students, current and former, show up in the media for poor life-choices, why aren’t we evaluating our practices and asking not if there is room for improvement but how many ways can we improve our relationships with students? Don’t misinterpret my message--academic success is unquestionably valuable but life success trumps that any day of the week.  Students need as much guidance (if not more) for the life market than the jobs-of-the-future market.  If they can’t successfully live and cope with one another, peacefully embrace differences, and positively approach conflict resolution, our job markets are then apt to fill with adults ill-prepared to live much less meet and exceed company expectations.  Our students need life preparation before skill preparation has a fighting chance to impact their lives.  Acceptance, love, and hope aren’t post-graduation givens--they should be equally (if not more) prevalent in our graduation requirements, just as core content courses. The quadratic equation, though valuable in a number of professions, has yet to advance me as a compassionate citizen.   However, the relationships that influenced me as an impressionable student still impact me and those lives that I touch daily.  We need the influence of strong adults in our students’ lives to prepare them to be the positive pillars of society.  It can’t happen by hope or chance.  Our impact must be intentional.

I spend an abundance of my professional and personal life building a foundation of genuine and positive relationships.  As an educator, I continuously evaluate my relationships with students, families, colleagues and community--each one matters. I speak to audiences, write about it, and live it.  It’s who I am.  The unspeakable events of this week made me think back to the thousands of students that I’ve taught and supervised in my 18 years as an educator...each a name and face of our future, not a notable statistic on a campus data sheet.  What I gave or didn’t give to each one rests on my shoulders.  Before most of our young students encounter service officers, they encounter their families and the most impressionable service profession on this planet: teaching.  We spend more hours on a weekly basis with students than families typically do, yet I’ve seen time and time again our focus on standards, not students--rigor not relationships.  Our influence ripples over the course of time, most of which we will never truly know, as our students touch lives and those lives touch others.  Knowing that the impact of our relationships exponentially influences the adults that our students become, beyond testing results, graduation rates and career choices), why aren’t we all--policy makers, administrators, and teachers, evaluating our far reaching practices and placing relationships at the forefront of everything that we do?

When senseless acts of violence occur, it makes me wonder about the relationships that were present or void in a person’s life.  It makes me ask myself, what can I do differently to impact the world, starting with my own students and community?  We have an infinite amount of opportunity to establish and build positive relationships with students while they are in our care and even beyond.  We will not change the trajectory of our path with humanity unless we take action in our respective professions.  It goes beyond an anti-bullying campaign.  It’s not just a 15 minute block of character education in classrooms each week.  It begins with a culture, before students ever step foot on our campuses, that kindness counts, everyone matters, and that human life is precious.  It’s not merely a set of “soft skills” or a program and it may/may not result in better state assessment scores, but this culture requires the commitment of every single educator that serves our students. Whether they are on your class or campus roster is irrelevant.  The students that mature into the adults that commit violent crimes against freedoms and life belong to all of us.  Every #RelationshipMatters--especially the students and adults that appear hard to love.  They need us the most, for they are filled with unfathomable sadness, hatred, loneliness, and despair.

I chose one word to live by this year, just after my stage III ovarian cancer diagnosis was handed to me:  #HEAL.  It’s been at the core of my recovery, present in my social media posts, on campaign shirts, hanging on my home and office walls, spelled out on my desk, on my car window, and in the countless cards, trinkets, flowers, and gifts that I’ve received in the last seven months.  I never imagined that two weeks ago I would enter “survivorship” after multiple surgeries and four months of chemotherapy.  However, #HEAL has a whole new meaning to me tonight, as so many families are hurting across this nation.  We need to #HEAL from within, not as a reaction to tragedy but as a starting point for the investment that we make in one another. When we #HEAL physically and emotionally, including helping our students and struggling families do the same, we minimize the hate that surrounds us.  I will continue to live my word long after this year passes and pray that others will do the same.

As I end my words, please accept this as an invitation, a call to action to do more than what you already do in the coming school year.  Place relationships at the forefront of all of your planning decisions.  I’m convinced that empathetic students experience higher levels of success (life and academic) than their counterparts.  With a culture that values intentionally teaching and modeling empathy, compassion, and how to rise in the face of adversity, students have the potential to leave us better prepared for life.  Education isn’t solely about academics.  It’s about people.  It’s about relationships.  Please, for the sake of the communities and nation of students that we serve, make a change in your practices.  If we continue to do what we’ve always done, we will continue to get the same results.  We all have room for improvement.   None of us want to see our loved ones and communities turned into a terrifying and trending global hashtag.